“I am valuable, but I’m damaged.”

A dear friend sent me a sermon to listen to a couple of days ago. Timing… It’s been a fight to get into the sacred space of humbling myself before the Lord. With the pull on my soul from the weight of responsibilities I carry, it’s been an absolute fight to get into that space of seeking the Lord for direction, clarity, and most of all, His presence.

Distraction sometimes comes in the form of responsibilities and burdens. A simple thing like putting on some worship music and getting still before the Lord doesn’t seem so simple when everything floods our minds, pressing for an answer with our attention and focus. Legitimate things you and I need to deal with, concerns about how things will turn out, all the things, pulling, cloying, and demanding our response and attention.

We often try to treat the cares and worries of this life as if they are insignificant, or we attempt to make them small with avoidance when they poke and prod us. In reality, the longer we avoid or try to ignore them, the more they grow and become the thorns that choke out the word, the seeds of truth God planted in our hearts through his Holy Spirit. 

When Jesus talked about the four types of ground that seeds can fall on, he spoke about one with thorns. In Matthew 13:7, Jesus said, “Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants.” When we make the effort to get into his presence, he is waiting and ready with his shears to work on our souls. He can cut away the things that are growing and strangling out what he planted in our heart. He is called the Master Gardener after all. We’ve got to make the effort to get into his presence, especially when His truth becomes a faint whisper in the torrent of life's storms.

Back to the sermon… Pastor Mike Todd preached a sermon called “What Can God do with Damaged” back in October of 2023. I remembered listening to that sermon when it came out, so when my friend sent it to me recently, I was curious about the timing. In October of 2023, I was newly transplanted to Eastern North Carolina, working part-time for a company as a Tier 1 employee and wondering where my life was going. I did not know then that in a month, I would get a promotion to a leadership role and start on a journey of character development through trials. If anyone wants to see what’s hidden within the depths of their soul, take on a leadership role. You will see every flaw and shortcoming through a new lens, and yes, it will hurt.

Before the idea of Kintsugi began permeating the ether of humanity in recent times, God began showing me the meaning of what it is to be damaged and what it looks like to be restored. Many times in our walk in life, we can experience the brokenness of our lives and think that all hope is lost. We sit in the rubble of our brokenness and see nothing beyond damage and despair. 

While those moments and seasons are a part of life, God never intends to leave us there. Isaiah 61:3 is a well known verse where the promise of God, through the words of Isaiah, tells us that God intends to restore and redeem. “To all who mourn in Israel (Zion) he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.”

Scars tell us that wounds can be healed… and like in the practice of kintsugi, scars, the gold veins in the pottery that have been restored, so do scars show how the brokenness in our lives can be healed. It’s tempting to want to hide our scars. It’s tempting to want to hide all the places we’ve been damaged. But if God is able to make a crown of beauty come from the rubble of ashes, if God is able to give us joy to replace seasons of mourning, if God is able to draw from our hearts a shout of praise from a pit of despair, then why do we forget so easily when those difficult seasons arrive on our doorsteps that he can turn those seasons into something beautiful too? It is often in those difficult seasons, when the seeds of doubt, fully grown into thorns, choke out God’s truth, blinding us to his promises.

So, why did the sermon lead me to produce this post at this time and moment in my life? Well, I’ve been wrestling with the long-term effects of unprocessed trauma, and although I’ve done some work in therapy to heal from my past. There is more that has sprung up in the last year that I need to deal with. Nagging thoughts have been poking at me as I’ve realized that I have more work to do to confront the wounds of my past. “You will never be free from your past.”, “You can’t be a vessel for God’s glory. You’re too broken.”, “You will always have issues that limit you and hold you back.” These are the thorns that prick my mind and pierce my soul.

When Jesus was on the cross, he bore a crown of thorns. I’ve wondered many times why thorns and why a crown. Maybe… God was showing us in what Jesus suffered that he was taking on the pain of all the negative thoughts we would ever have about ourselves. He bore our shame. “...the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5 NIV) If Jesus bore a crown of thorns for us, maybe it was because he wanted to give us a crown of beauty instead.

I started with the statement Pastor Mike Todd made in his sermon, “I’m valuable, but I’m damaged.” Maybe through the hands of God, it becomes "I’m damaged, but I’m valuable."

This is what Kintsugi is to a broken piece of pottery. It creates beauty out of something that was broken. It restores rather than throws away. It renews and puts value on something that could’ve easily been discarded. That is so very much like the Grace of God. So… even though I’ve had some issues come up as I’ve been developing in my role. God has not written me off, even if the people around me choose to. I do have a responsibility to own my part. But God has the final say. Those around me do not.

His promise continues with the thought that we will be established like mighty oaks for His glory. Our righteousness will shine for others to see, and God’s glory will call to the lost because of the work God has done through healing the brokenness we’ve experienced.  In life, we can be mishandled, but God, in His Master craftsmanship, can put us back together in a way that is beautiful without hiding the history of where we’ve been broken. “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” (Romans 8:28 NLT)